Thursday, July 19, 2007

Wedding Plans

It has been a while since I have written on this blog. I have been enjoying summer vacation, traveling, relaxing, trying to release the stress of the past 9 months.

Sometimes I wonder if my constant traveling is the need to run away from it all. When I am on the run, I know that no one can find me to ask me to do anything, or else I am too far to help. At times I feel desperate to put it all behind me and to keep running. Running and work keeps me from thinking of the possiblities that the future holds. I know I need to find peace right in my own home and within myself; perhaps that is the biggest challenge I face.

Megan is getting married August 25th in a small church in Ellenville, with a barbeque at a local gun and game club, the same one that I had my reception in when I married Megan's father. That seems so long ago, another life that I wish I could forget.

I hope that her marriage is far more joyful and peaceful than my first and that they can survive the difficulties of navigating through a relationship at such a young age. I worry about the both of them being young, with so much facing them, but I have to remind myself that they are on their own journey.

They still don't know when and where they are going as Dole has not received his orders yet.

Megan has another PET scan on the 24th, the day before the wedding. She is asking that her results be held till after the wedding. I can't blame her. If they are not good, she does not need to ruin her day, though I am sure there is always a shadow of fear that follows her around. At least she will have insurance, though I am not sure how good the government's TRICARE is. I do not hold much esteem for anything the government does these days, and they already have established how poorly they treat our soldiers. Let us hope it is all good as there is no money to cover any medical expenses for her.

Will keep you updated as time progresses. May your summer be joyful and rejuvenating, Patti

Sunday, July 08, 2007

Summer of '07

I have welcomed the end of the school year as the last 8 months have burned me out; the trauma of Megan's diagnosis, her treatments, the baby, keeping up with school, trying to have something to give to my family (mother in nursing home, two aunts who are not well, a son who is struggling with mental and addiction problems and entrenched in denial...) and run my art business and make art.

I have been working hard on trying to get my house together as it has so long been ignored, to make art and to enjoy life; at trip to NYC dedicated mostly to art, an upcoming trip to the cape dedicated to my girlfriends AND art, time with my husband who has forgotten what it is like to have a wife at times.

Megan and Dole are getting married in August. I have mixed feelings about marriage, especially when they are so young, and I see some things that make me question "will it work?". But I also must let it go and let them find their own way. They will be moving out of state and I think Megan is going to be in for a real shock when she realizes she can't call mom or grandma to take the baby overnight so she can have a social life....or when she is sick or no longer has patience for a 2 year old.

I also worry about her health, but I have to let that go too. She will have a PET scan in August, and we pray that it will be fine.

So this is the summer of letting go, of enjoying the beauty of my gardens, the northeast, and the gratification of working in my studio or landscaping my yard.I look to each day with a sense of joy and appreciation of life, and the fact that I made a wise choice in choosing a career that gives me time to recharge. I worked hard to get there, and work hard all year, and reverently bask in the beauty of each day and being my own boss in the summer. Each year it hold more meaning and more appreciation of life.

And there are my friends...

I will write periodically to keep you all posted about Megan, and still need to post some site about LMS.