Thursday, February 08, 2007

Breaking down Walls

It is amazing how every week brings new challenges, new verdicts, truths, confessions, and finally, absolution to my life.

I am always looking for the deeper meaning and purpose to all of life's pain and try and be honest and open to take advantage of the lessons I need to learn. There is a reason for everything and I try an keep this foremost in my mind. It is the only hope I have at times, and hold onto that with tenacity.

Very recently I thanked Megan for her honesty in being open with me about a situation, and I made a commitment to both myself and to her, not to be judgemental or critical of decisions she has to make for herself. We talked about why she won't let me go with her to her treatments, and I had to understand and accept her desire to go alone. She needs that time to think about her life and her relationships and let the doctors and nurses be the ones who take care of her; she does not want us to see what is done to her; that is a journey she chooses to take on her own. I have to respect that, though I am quite the opposite; I would have to have SOMEONE to hold my hand through it all. She is much stronger than me in that respect (and I am one hell of a strong woman!) She has faced death in the eye more than once, and she has got some grit! (you rock Megan!)

I did some more reading on radiation and its side effects and the damage it can do to one's body. The docs told her that they suspect that her lung/s will scar. I don't know how that will affect her at the moment. We can't predict, we can't project.

Tonights artwork is a crop of a photograph done by Marist College Professor Dan McCormick of Megan two years ago when she returned from Iraq. Marist college staff have been very generous in their support and donations, for which I am very grateful.

Our motto is one day at a time, and live each day to its fullest.

I love you Megan, xxxmom


Anonymous Anonymous said...

A honest quote about being honest:

"The truth will set you free. But first, it will piss you off."
Gloria Steinem

Ain't it true?

Sharon in San Francisco
Leiomyosarcoma 5 yr. Thriver

1:47 PM  
Blogger ready to pretend said...

I am proffering this information from Canada as I wonder what I would do with it if my child was so ill. Has anyone mentioned DCA ( dichloroacetate) to you at all. Please Google it. It has been all over the news here in Canada out of the University of Alberta. DCA shrinks in very short order ( weeks) to a shadow, it causes cancer sells to commit suicide and has shown great promise and there are no side effects. DCA is a chemial compund that is as common as tablesalt and since it cannot be licenced ( to make money) it is not being picked up by any drug companies. If my daughter ( also a Meghan) was diagnosed I would find out about this stuff first. It was administered to the cantolled mammel group by adding it to their drinking water. I just thought that this might be a new idea. It has been an folk medicine for a long time. What can it hurt? Megan ( yours) is in my prayers every night from Canada. Janet

1:48 AM  

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