Tuesday Afternoon

Tuesday Afternoon...a Moody Blues song from my youth. It has taken on a different meaning for me these days as it is always an intense day, on both ends of the spectrum.

Megan has chemo on tuesdays, so I spend the morning thinking about it. I know how sick she gets and how she sounds when she calls me. I carefully ask how the visit with the doc went, what the results of the PET scan are, and what is next. It has taken a long time for the both of us to get to a point where we can talk honestly and with love, even when we disagree. I think if I have to find a light in all of this, it is the relationships that are forged between people in times of great stress and pain. I have a new relationship with my daughter, a beautiful one with my granddaughter, and have been embraced by friends and community with love and donations at a time when I have been most vulnerable.

Today's good news was that the spot behind her stomach near her spine is nothing. But they are going to be combining chemo with radiation in order to get rid of this tumor. They are concerned with her inablility to eat and maintain good nutrition; the marinol is not working. Radiation is going to make it painful to eat as it will burn her esophagus. But we forge on.

Tuesdays I pick up Alanna right after school and take her home. I make an effort with what energy I have to color, read, play, "swim" in the bathtub, run in the house, and chase the cats. I make a nice dinner, and we have a wonderful time being children together. I lighten up because I have to for the baby, and try not to be so absorbed in the intensity.

It is snowing tonight and I am hoping we get a 2 hour delay. A delay would be perfect as I have Alanna, and hate to wake her up at 6:30 to get to a sitter before I go to work. Perhaps the universe will be caring and give me a break. For once. LOL. Patti

PS Alanna this afternoon running around with the popper. I had one as a kid and LOVED it. To this day I STILL love it...the colored balls flying around inside.....